Isn’t it interesting how we overcomplicate things in our lives? Life really could be so simple if we would just allow it to be. Things seem to be going well? Let’s overthink it. You’re happy right now? Let’s think of something terrible that could mess everything up. Even better lets externalize that nagging thought onto others, otherwise known as a projection, so that they can be let in on how fucked up our mind is in this moment in time.
Don’t get me wrong sharing our internal fears to others is incredibly important especially when you have a supportive community. It is when that fear begins to place blame or weight on someone specifically or not to a trusted source that we begin a chain effect by not only negatively impacting ourselves but now impacting others as well. Even worse, our internal fears have now become somewhat of a reality by creating chaos that was once not there. Not only have we quite literally stirred the pot but we have also written a new story for ourselves by shifting our current circumstances and events. Is this intentional self-sabotage or do we genuinely just not know when to turn those thoughts off? You have the power to do this. You are in control of your thoughts. Do not let them control you.
It's easier said than done.
I have many fears and even more because I am a woman. I’m also extremely honest and up front about these fears. I view this as a desperation for clarity and trusting a different perspective than my own. I would call myself an "oversharer" and while this has benefited me substantially in life it has also knocked me down time and time again. My difficulty on how to differentiate between my intuition and my fears has been a constant practice for myself. I know that I am getting closer to becoming the person I know that I have the potential to be, as in not allowing my fears and insecurities to drive me but for me to drive them. I want to be in control of my emotions. I am tired of allowing them to control me and choose the direction I am going in. I am both the manifestor and the creator.
The more I realize this in myself the more I am to realize this in others. If you choose to truly listen to someone and if you're lucky enough for them to open up to you, you may notice a general theme. That theme being the person making up their own problems. In other words, they are standing in their own way. It seems so easy from the outside. It's as if you wish you could quite literally pick them up and move them to where you're looking so that they can see just how capable they are. But what would life be if we had all of our problems solved for us? Problem solving is the number one human infatuation (in my opinion). Solving problems gives us purpose. Without them we could potentially risk becoming bored and feeling helpless. This could actually lead to a neurological decline rather than a progression. As humans it is our job to solve problems in order to become better versions of ourselves.
So how do we limit self-destructive habits? It is the overuse of the word "over" that seems to create the largest impact such as overthinking, overanalyzing, overdoing, overprescribing, overstimulating etc. If we are able to learn how to create balance in life by limiting certain thoughts or habits such as learning to put our phone down every once in a while then we are closer to taking back our control.
Techniques that have helped me through all of this overuse are Yoga, Astrology, meditation, Ayurveda, breath work, diet & nutrition, exercise, community, therapy (all types honestly), being outdoors, writing, singing & playing music, dancing & movement, laughing and loving. I'm sure you have heard of most if not all of these techniques and there is no one remedy. This is about learning what works best for YOU. You could try every single one of these and still not feel fully present but I can promise you that you will make the time go by and hopefully during that time you will have either forgotten about what you were so worried about or created some clarity around it. THIS is the purpose of it all. Not magically healing yourself but instead giving yourself time to get to the core of the matter. If it wasn't that big of a concern anyways then you will soon forget about it after playing a few songs on the guitar. If you're still thinking about it then you are sure to think somewhat differently after asking a friend or trusted source for advice. If you're still feeling heavy about it then you're sure to release some of that weight after sweating it out on a run or writing down all of your fears as to create some space in your mind. If you're STILL feeling heavy about it then you could always distract yourself with a new problem. Dump a can of paint on your hardwood floor. Smash a mason jar on your bedroom floor. Lick all of the public doorknobs at your closest fast food chain. Just kidding but also kind of serious. Whatever takes the edge off as long as it's not resorting to some sort of self-destructive or reckless behavior that could in the end potentially kill you or seriously damage your life or others around you.
There are many modalities for healing. It's about choosing which one(s) work best for you.
Know that you are never alone and together we can get through this.